“When you have confidence, you can have a lot of fun. And when you have fun, you can do amazing things.” – Joe Namath
We all define the word “confidence” differently, but we all agree on its importance. The way that I see it, confidence is the fuel that gives you the energy to keep doing whatever it is you want to do. It’s the main ingredient in getting better at something. Naturally, it’s also essential in guitar playing. It’s a topic I’ve been thinking of a lot because, for a long time, I had a hard time with it. I wasn’t sure if I should continue practicing knowing I’d stopped playing for so long and I didn’t have a lot of time every day to play anymore. But in the last couple of years, I have a different attitude. The more confident I feel, the more I play, and the better I get. This article is for those who struggled with similar issues.
I used to work at Berklee Online, which is the online school of the prestigious Berklee College of Music. I wasn’t a student – I managed analytics for the marketing team – but one of the perks of the job was being able to attend some incredible events. Being a guitar player, there were lots I could learn. To be honest, I didn’t get a chance to go to a lot of the events due to scheduling conflicts, but there was one session I attended that was amazing. The legendary bass player Victor Wooten was coming to our campus to talk to students. No scheduling conflicts? Great – I’m going!
Victor Wooten is one of the nicest musicians you can ever meet. I’ll start by saying that. He was so down to earth. But it was the insights he shared that made me respect him even more than I already did. And one of the biggest topics he tackled was confidence. I have to admit, I was struggling with my ability in guitar at that time. I’d abandoned guitar for a long time, and I wanted to come back to it, but I felt like I was never going to be “good” at it. I know from my conversations and online comments that lots of people have felt this way at some point in time. Or perhaps they still question their ability. So, I’d like to share what helped me and why it’s important to remain confident.
Picture I took at the Berklee session (2015)
Let’s get back to Wooten’s session at Berklee. I don’t remember details but at some point, the conversation came to whether the students in the room felt like they were “good” at their instruments or not. A lot of students said no. I think it’s because they didn’t want to come across as “arrogant”. Wooten countered that. He made a point that I will never forget: he said whenever someone asks you if you’re good at guitar, your answer should always be “yes”. He said it’s not arrogant to do so. Remember, you’re not saying you’re the greatest or anything, all you’re saying is you’re good. And who’s to say you’re not? Even if you only know one scale, there’s so many great things you can do with that. Or, so what if you can’t sweep pick just yet – who said that’s the only style of playing? If you keep telling yourself and others that you’re not good, the only person you’re harming is you! Constantly downplaying your ability and constantly doubting yourself will make you not want to pick up the guitar ever again. And when you don’t play, that’s when you stop getting good! He didn’t say all these things, but even his first comment made me think of all these thoughts. I figured it was time to stop making excuses and telling myself I wasn’t ever going to get “good”. I realized I already knew quite a bit, and I was going to use that as my foundation and keep building.
That was good and all, but for people like me, there’s an additional challenge: YouTube! When I decided to get back into playing, I had every intention to take it more seriously than I’d ever done. Of course, one of the platforms that we all go to for guitar related content is YouTube. But YouTube can be a double-edged sword! On the one hand, it’s great that we have all these incredible tutorials from people showing us how to play a certain part of a song to people who talk about music theory to explain details. It can make learning fun, engaging and fast! But on the other hand, you will be exposed to so many great players that it can demoralize you about where you are in your playing. When I went back into playing, I was 30 years old (I’m turning 33 this year). I was already having some confidence issues; and suddenly, I was watching all these players who were way younger than I was and who could play circles around me from a technical standpoint. And I knew for a fact that I was a businessman, I wasn’t gonna have hours and hours every day to practice. I kept thinking “why bother? I’m never gonna get as good as they are”. That was the effect of YouTube on me for a while… But I got out of that.
In today’s technology where we get to see all these talented people from all over the world, it’s so easy to get discouraged. It’s because you constantly compare yourself to others. But, as Victor Wooten said, you can’t assume you’re not good. So, how can you get out of this negative thinking as you watch these videos? It’s easier than you think…
First of all, remember that music is about finding your own voice. In other words, it’s not about which John Petrucci solo you can play, it’s about what you want to tell the world through your own music. So, what someone can do technically doesn’t really matter to you. You’re on this journey to find your own songwriting, your own touch, your own style. Second, just because someone is technically superior doesn’t automatically make them greater songwriters. Technical ability is important. I could never say that it isn’t. That’s why I practice! But it isn’t everything. When you watch YouTube videos of people who can do crazy sweep picks, that’s great for them and you should keep practicing and adding skills to your belt. But don’t let their skill intimidate or discourage you! It doesn’t say anything about their songwriting skills. There are a lot of guitar players who can play other people’s material flawlessly, but you don’t know what that says about their creativity until you can hear some original material. And, again, this is all about your own style, your own voice. Somebody else’s technical skills won’t determine your own songwriting. So, if YouTube is discouraging because so many people can do things that you can’t do yet, stop the comparison and start focusing on yourself.
One last thing on YouTube… If you always let these videos discourage you, at some point, you’re going to start resenting all these people. That’s not good. The guitar community, for the most part, is a positive and supportive community. When you watch videos of people playing things you can’t yet play, be happy for them. They are on their journey and they’re sharing something on YouTube that clearly makes them happy. Don’t let their improvement be a source of your disappointment. It’s not fair to them. Instead, learn to support others and focus on your own journey. Someone who can’t be happy for others’ achievements won’t be making a lot of friends. Remember that. And if someone else is mocking you or saying terrible things about your playing that go beyond constructive criticism, it is very likely that they have their own self-esteem issues that they are taking out on you. Never let those things discourage you.
I think the biggest reason why I had to overcome some self-confidence issues is that I waited so long to take guitar seriously. Even though I started guitar at age 15, I stopped playing for a long time in my 20s because work was taking a lot of my time. All in all, I think I could have kept playing – but I kept making excuses. But when I turned 31 and started my own company, I felt this immense drive to get back into playing and I had a whole new approach. My work hours were more flexible since I didn’t have to conform to “regular” work hours and I had every intention to take guitar seriously. But one question kept bothering me. Is it too late now? I was 31 and even though I could play some simple stuff here and there, I was nowhere near where I wanted to be. Then I saw all these 16-17 year-olds on YouTube playing some remarkable stuff. Would I even get to their level? Should I even bother?
I’m turning 33 in July of this year. In the last 2 years or so, I have completely gotten out a negative mindset and started feeling a lot more confident about my ability and my prospects in learning more and more. My age is whatever it is – I can’t change that. I can’t change the past either. I did what I had to do in my 20s to be successful in business; so I can’t really spend my time with “regrets”. Here is the only question I care about now: Do I know more today than I did yesterday? This could be about a new technique, learning or writing a new riff or solo, learning more about home recording, etc. But if the answer is yes, then that’s progress! And if I’m making progress, I’m getting better. That’s all that matters to me.
Confidence is key if you want to get better at anything. It’s not easy to build but it’s so easy to destroy. If you’re having issues with your progress, like I did, I hope this article helps put things into perspective. Music is about writing, creating, and having fun. So, don’t worry about what others are doing and don’t worry about how old you are. Focus on yourself, your progress, and your own creativity. Trust me, you’ll feel a lot more confident and you’ll get a lot better!
